My Jewish Journey

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So I’ve been meaning to update this because so much has happened, but the past week has been utterly trying. First the Boston bombing, then the Texas Fire, Earthquakes all over the world….it’s just been tough and insane. There was so much going on in the world that I almost had to “unfollow” CNN, NBC, and ABC News to take a break. I am glad however, that the man hunt is over and that there can be a trial, questions answered, and hopefully closure for some people. I know that for those families and friends that lost someone this past week are struggling and my sincerest thoughts and prayers go out to them that they may find peace and closure eventually.

On a happy and personal note….

On Thursday, April 18, 2013…my life completely changed with one phone call. I had my first phone meeting with Rabbi Drucker, a family friend of Tamara and the Rabbi of B’nai Shalom in Walnut Creek. I was utterly nervous to speak with her because I just had no idea what to expect. I had no idea what she was going to ask, say or how she was going to judge me if at all.

I obviously was letting my imagination get the best of me. With in 5 seconds of the phone call…I was automatically put at ease. There was definitely a connection that was created right off the bat. Talking to her was so easy…I felt like I’ve known her forever and I felt completely safe and unjudged with whatever I opened up to her about. After a bit of chit chat and getting to know one another, she said the magic words “I am honored to be chosen as your Rabbi and invite you to be the new student at my Jews by Choice class”. I literally was speechless…I had to muffle my squeal. I couldn’t stop smiling…it’s official. She emailed me the syllabus and officially welcomed me to start my Jewish journey.

The next day happened to be Shabbat so I decided to attend services at B’nai Shalom which would be my first Conservative synagogue experience. All the other temples that I have visited were reform. I was nervous because I didn’t know what big differences I was going to experience or even what to expect or how people were going to react to me. Once I walked through those doors, I felt like I was home. Every single person went up to me, genuinely welcomed me and told me their name. There was definitely a lot more Hebrew than the Reform services I’m used to and I would get lost once in a while, but a lovely lady named Andy would whisper to me what page we were on. It was the loveliest service I have ever experienced.

After services, Rabbi Drucker asked what my Shabbat dinner plans were, after retorting nothing….she instantly invited me to have Shabbat dinner at her house. I was stunned! I have only physically met this woman for 5 minutes and here she is opening up her home to me to partake in a very big part of Jewish living. I excitedly agreed and headed over. Her husband Brett is an ultimate gem. He is definitely a fantastic human being, as is she. Her friends were absolutely lovely and I just had the time of my life. We talked and talked for hours about everything and anything. I felt so welcomed that I just had the best night in my life. The food that Brett cooked was beyond delicious and the company was better than I could have imagined.

My heart and soul are happy and at home. This is just the beginning. I can’t wait. This is who I am, this is where I belong.

Boston Bombing

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It started off as an ordinary blah Monday…..chugging cups of coffee and pounding out calls to set those demos and make those deals. Around 12:15 PM PST I walk by my coworker’s desk and he’s reading an article online and says, “Hey Heather, have you heard about Boston?” Of course I have no idea….No I’ve been busy making calls and such…why what’s up?

I lean in closer and I feel the blood in my body just drain. My mouth drops and I’m speechless. In bold letters are “BOMBING AT BOSTON MARATHON”. WHAT THE…..!?!?!? I couldn’t even finish my sentence. A bombing?! At a marathon!? A marathon…where people run….seriously!? I felt absolutely sick to my stomach. I rush back to my desk and turn to Google. Article after article with missing information, all they know is that there were 2 explosions by the finish line at a Boston Marathon. Today is Patriot Day in Boston so many businesses are closed due to the celebration. I tune in to ABC NEWS to stream live feed. The images are horrific….it brings me back to images of 9/11 (not as intense but still disturbing). People running a muck, blood on the ground, dilapidated stands, people being wheeled in wheel chairs or carried…it’s pure chaos. First there was one explosion then 5-15 seconds later another one detonated. No word on the injured or the dead…but eye witnesses have confirmed seeing limbs of people on the ground and people screaming in agony.

I am beyond disgusted and disturbed. I can’t even finished my sandwich. How can someone do this!? How deranged are you!? A marathon…who would ever think something like that would happen!?

As time went on, a third blast was reported, this time at the JFK library. Really!? REALLY?! A library!? No injuries have been reported in the library but 2 so far have been confirmed to have died in the marathon blast and 100s have been injured. Since then…bomb threats all over the East Coast have been flooding in….really people!? Really…

All I can say is I hope everyone stays safe and that their loved ones are safe. For those that were caught in this horrific act, my heart, thoughts and prayers go out to you all and your families. Life is too short and bullshit like this unfortunately happens in this messed up world.

As the day goes on, I will keep this post updated…but for now…let me leave you with this very powerful Facebook status that my good friend and colleague Stefan Kuftedjian wrote:

238 years ago today, in Massachusetts, we began our battle for freedom and self determination, against the greatest of odds and the most powerful of foes. Today the people of Boston were targeted by another foe, more dangerous and determined to undermine our hard won freedoms. America shouldn’t, and won’t, appease and placate this faceless, soulless evil, but will exact justice. Until then, God bless the victims, their families and The City of Boston. Today, there were heroes and patriots, that we should remember, for they represent the true face of America, neighbors and friends, ready to sacrifice themselves and aid their countrymen in their greatest hour of need. God bless America.

UPDATE

So it’s been confirmed that an 8 year old was among the dead. My heart just broke anymore. Bomb squads are patrolling all major cities so it was a nice surprise to come face to face with one here in sunny San Francisco. I have another powerful comment to add to this post said by none other then Tamara Wolfson who places an interesting perspective on the situation.

I think the most overwhelming thing is a lot of people will want to make blanket generalizations about humanity but you just can’t. For every 5 people who make bombs there are 50 people who run towards the detonation site to aid the injured. For every person losing blood from their injuries there are groups of people lining up to donate blood. For all the people running away from the scene there are more people running towards it.

A New Life

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This is going to be the most personal and raw post I have ever written, so brace yourself.

So some I have already told and some this may be the first time for you to hear about it.

I know I have dabbled and played with the idea but now I have come to a point in my life where it’s either I get off the bench and play or leave the playing field. I have decided that it’s time to play.

I know I have mentioned various times about me converting but I finally am actually taking the first step.

I’m closing my eyes and walking into the darkness ready to completely immerse myself into this culture and community I have so longed to be a part of.

Like the lost lamb, I have found my way back to my flock. With the help and guidance and the push that I was needing, future Cantor Tamara was that push and catalyst. Personal note: Mazal once again for starting your amazing journey in Cantorial school at HUC and enjoy Israel!

I am taking my first steps in the conversion process of becoming Jewish. I have set up meetings with a couple of Rabbis this week to discuss my journey and to find the right mentor for me. I am very excited but very nervous. I’m not nervous with what I’m doing, I’m nervous to be rejected. If I am rejected, I honestly don’t know what I would do. I would feel utterly lost and broken. This is who I am, this is who I’m meant to be. This is where my soul belongs.

For those that I have already told, I have received undying support and love, especially from my parents. My parents literally cannot be happier for me and are probably obsessed with everything Jewish more than I am. The love and support I receive from everyone means more to me than I can express.

I am ready for this journey and I know this is what I was meant for and where I belong.

I know to some this is a hot topic, and to some Jewish people, converts are not “real” Jews. I respect your opinion but I invite you to read this article that I have attached the link to. Also I say, you were born into the life you have….almost had no choice… But me, I am choosing to be a part of this for no reason but the reasoning of it’s where I belong. I am choosing despite the history, persecution, and oppression to be one in the same.

To me there’s one God, G-D, Allah, Yahweh. We are all the children of God and hope that I can continue to have the support of those in my decision. Enjoy the article and I will leave you with this quote:

The sage, Resh Lakish wrote a famous midrash: “The proselyte who converts is dearer to God than Israel when they stood at Mt. Sinai. Why? Because had Israel not seen the thunders and the lightning and the mountains quaking and the sound of the shofars, they would not have accepted Torah. But this convert, who saw none of these things, came, surrendered himself to the Holy One, and accepted upon himself the Kingdom of Heaven. Could any be dearer than he?”

– Rabbi Marci Bellows

http://www.thejewishweek.com/features/reform_really/wait_you_want_be_jewish

Baruch Shem Kivod Malchuto LeOlam Va’ed

Mad for March Madness

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I’ve gone mad for March Madness! I have waited all year for this week. Selection Sunday, the beginning of the most nail biting time of the year. Looking at this year’s bracket was daunting. All these new faces and old faces at lower seeding was already quite an upset. Shockingly my school had to play as part of the first four against Middle Tennessee for the #11 seed in the Midwest Region. But as we all know, God is a Gael, and St. Mary’s College of California squashed the Blue Devils and sent em home with a beautiful 67-54 win. Big D Dellavedova of course scoring a ridiculous 22 points, three after three pointers swishing into the basket.

On Thursday, March 21 at 11:45, the Gaels face off #6 seed Memphis. The last time SMC and Memphis went head to head was back in 2004 with a painful loss of 66-81. Let’s see if history will repeat itself or if the Gaels will prevail and move on to the next round.

Nonstop basketball game after basketball on 5 different channels, all day everyday for a solid 2 weeks. So what does this all mean? Businesses will lose a total of 9 MILLION work hours and almost $195 MILLION dollars due to employees calling in to watch the games and/or employees watching the games online during work. Me being one of them. I’m just hoping our servers don’t crash at work due to the overload of bandwidth due to the constant streaming.

So just like I did last year, I kept up with the tradition of creating my team called Heather Baby’s Ballin Ballers group on Yahoo! Sports and invited a few friends to join me in this bracket madness. Who do I have going to the final 4? Well, I have Gonzaga, Miami, Florida, and Michigan St as of now and I have the Zags winning it all even though they are enemies of my school. I must admit it was quite difficult to do the picking and knowing me, I might change it up last minute. I have until 9 am tomorrow morning.

BRACK CITY, BRACK BRACK CITY! LET’S GO SMC GAELS!!!

Forgive Me for I Have Sinned

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A little excerpt from Wikipedia for which we all know is the most reliable source

“Ash Wednesday is the first day of Lent in the Western Christian calendar. According to the canonical gospels of Matthew, Mark and Luke; Jesus spent 40 days fasting in the desert, where he endured temptation by Satan. Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of this 40-day liturgical period of prayer and fasting or abstinence. Of the 46 days until Easter, six are Sundays. As the Christian sabbath, Sundays are not included in the fasting period and are instead “feast” days during Lent.

Ash Wednesday derives its name from the practice of placing ashes on the foreheads of adherents as a reminder and celebration of human mortality, and as a sign of mourning and repentance to God. The ashes used are typically gathered from the burning of the palms from the previous year’s Palm Sunday. This practice is common in much of Christendom, being observed mainly by Catholics, Anglicans, Lutherans, and Methodists.” -Wikipedia

So here we are again folks…to all my Christians out there…it’s Lent once again. Yesterday was Fat Tuesday, a day full of indulgences of food, alcohol, and whatever you plan on giving up. Top things people like to give up….chocolate, soda, sweets, alcohol, meat, and dare I say it…sex. Yes some people pull a Josh Hartnett and get aroused by simply looking at Mrs. Buttersworth (damn her delectable, sticky syrup and sexy curves) because they give up sex for 40 days. Madness and mayhem!

Basically this is how I see it, the big JC aka Jesus was in the desert without food and water for 40 days. Lucifer aka Satan himself kept bugging him and was basically like “Hey bro, check it…if you worship me or bow down to me I’ll give you food, water, and you’ll be the ruler of all the land”. And Jesus says, “Naw bro, I’m kool off that, you’re tryppin, you better check yourself…now get a steppin”. So then God was like, “That’s my boy!” and does a little fist to chest thing and Jesus is then taken cared of by Angels. Boom.

So what does that mean for Christians? Well Christians get to go to church and receive ashes on their head in the shape of a cross to show the world that they are sinners. Ashes were used in ancient times to express mourning. Dusting oneself with ashes was the penitent’s way of expressing sorrow for sins and faults. Thou shall not eat meat on Ash Wednesday and every Friday during Lent. And for 40 days until Easter you get to choose something to give up that you really love or something that would be considered “challenging” to give up so we can know what it was like for Jesus to go with out for 40 days and say no to temptation – because you know, giving up chocolate is pretty equivalent to not eating or drinking for 40 days in a desert and saying no to being the ruler of the world.

Growing up Catholic and attending a Catholic elementary school, I loved Lent for these 2 reasons alone: 1) Twice a week we got to miss class and walk across the street to St. Joseph’s Church and reenact the stations of the cross 2) We got to celebrate Passover. Yes ladies and gentlemen, a Catholic school celebrating Passover, a Jewish holiday. We made room for Elijah, we ate horosets and matzah bread, dipped the parsley in the salt water, asked the 4 questions, and even sang songs like Dayenu and Let My People Go. It was rad.

Then Easter Sunday comes and Lent is over. Easter Sunday represents the day that Jesus rose from the dead and ascended into Heaven. When I say he rose from the Dead, I don’t mean like zombie status rose from the dead, I mean like an angelic glow of just ascending into Heaven…as so we’re told via the Bible. What I don’t get is where the Easter Bunny, lets hide eggs deal comes from. It’s like OMG Jesus is risen from the dead, paint the eggs and hide them!! I don’t get it nor see the significance, but that’s kool.

So when I woke up this morning, I had every intention of half partaking in Lent. I wasn’t going to go to church, but I was going to not eat meat. As my stomach started to growl and my work bestie pinged me to ask of our lunch plans…I recommended sushi (as if I needed an excuse to eat sushi ha!). But then I realized that it was Wednesday so that means Off the Grid! For all you non-Bay Area folk…. Off the Grid is a foodie’s dream. A bunch of various food trucks would come to a certain area and you can just feast. These aren’t just any type of typical food truck, these are like crazy and indulgent concoctions.

And low and behold, the heavenly The Chairman truck is there…my favorite truck….delicious steamed or baked pork belly pork buns with pickled radish. Oh man how can I say no!? I follow them religiously and I swear angels started singing when I saw them. As I stepped into the mile long line I started feeling the oh too familiar guilt….not just any guilt but the worst guilt of all, CATHOLIC GUILT. Good ol Catholic guilt. Suddenly I felt like a bad kid as if I got caught with my hand in the cookie jar. I’m knowingly choosing to eat meat on the holy Ash Wednesday…what am I doing?! Then I realized…hmmmm do I really care or am I just feeling the guilt that I’ve been conditioned to feel since the day I was born? Why do I feel so inclined to follow religious traditional practices when my heart and soul aren’t in it? I had no intention to even go to church so why do I have to continue to subject myself in something that I don’t necessarily “believe in” anymore?

Passover I will partake in, Easter Sunday I will spend with my family like I always do…but that’s basically it. I mean I’m basically more Jewish than anything so…that’s my 2 cents on it. It’s just a lot to shake off ….26 years of unbridled Catholic guilt. That’s another thing, it almost seems as though you’re to live in fear…to always remember that you’re a sinner and you need to beg for mercy. So much is about what you CANNOT do as opposed to what you CAN do. Oh well, like my tattoo says on my right rib…”Dillgere Errantem” which is Latin for “Love the Sinner”.

Addiction

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Inspired by Shekiba Hasani <3

Addiction

The door closes behind you
Dark cold and damp
Sweat drips down your brow
Your blood runs cold
Your hands start to shake
In front of you is something you want
Something you crave something you need
It's your addiction
You can taste it on your tongue
You can feel it pulse through veins
You feel it in every inch of your body
You know you should say no but you need it
You can't stop now, it feels so good
The high isn't even the same anymore but yet it's a high nonetheless
Its not even the top quality, you've settled for just anything that remotely resembles it
You know what you deserve, what you need- but the addiction is too strong
You bite your lip and your eye twitches
Do you have enough self control?
Can you say no? Can you resist?
Your fingers tingle at the very touch
Just do it just take it just surrender
You can't live with out it
Just one more hit you say
The addiction is taking over
You need to feed the withdrawal
A tear rolls down your cheek
The addiction is fed

The Quest for Six

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Who’s got it better than us? Nobody!

The dynasty started in 1981 when the San Francisco 49ers first put on the sacred Super Bowl ring. They brought it home again in 84, and 2 years in a row in 88 and 89. The final year that the Niners reigned the best team in all of NFL was 1994…..until now. More than a decade later the year 2013, the Niners have a chance to reign once again.

Montana, Rice, Young, Brodie… Some of the best players in the history of the NFL wore the red and gold jersey. Now players like Gore, Davis, Smith, Crabtree, and Kaepernick are trying to get their name in the Hall of Fame with their fellow comrades.

With Alex Smith, our golden boy QB out of the picture, Niner fans gave up all hope. But through the ashes like a red and gold phoenix, Kaepernick with his signature arm kiss restored the faith of the faithful. Proving to be victorious against Green Bay and even running his own touchdowns, he shot gunned the ball to the end zone one after another in today’s game.

Last year the Niners were one game away from the Super Bowl. With home team advantage they were facing the NY Giants. I was there on that cold and rainy afternoon sporting my white and blue NY Giants jersey with a fellow NY Giants fan. Though I grew up a Niner fan, my true loyalty has been with the NY Giants and Oakland Raiders but I will never hesitate to support a fellow Bay Area team. As my heart broke for the Bay when the Niners lost, I was ecstatic that my team won and even went on to win the Super Bowl.

Now here they are again, this time fighting for the NFC Championship title in Atlanta on Falcon territory. The Falcons having a nearly flawless record this year and having pecked the hell out of those Seahawks in last weeks game were ready to swallow the Niners whole. Red and black filled the stadium. I followed the Falcons quite closely this season because Ryan was my QB, Gonzelez my TE and Bryant my Kicker in my fantasy football so I knew what the Niners were facing.

Both teams fought, the Falcons ready to fly to victory and the Niners seeking victory after being so close last year. Touch down after touch down, fumble after interception, and that ear piercing sound of a missed field goal hitting the goal post by Akers…..Niner and Falcon fans were on the edge of their seats. It was a nail biting and heart wrenching game but as the clock ticked down with one minute left and 4th and 7….the Falcons went for it just to be denied by the hard pounding defense of the Niners. The ball was swatted down like a fly and it was Niner ball.

Once the clock hit 0, it was victory for the Niners. Tears ran down the cheeks of Niner and Falcon players alike as the Dynasty was once again restored for one and the dreams of playing in the Super Bowl were diminished for the other.

So onto New Orleans the Niners go to face Flacco and the Baltimore Ravens or Brady and the New England Patriots. Regardless, the Bay Area has yet another reason to celebrate. The SF Giants won the World Series and now the SF 49ers have a chance to bring home that trophy and ring.

Red and Gold, who’s got it better than us? NOBODY! Lets go San Francisco 49ers! The Quest for 6 continues!